I am slowly coming to terms with my demise. I am finding the saddest part is leaving my darling Peter,not seeing his face every day is something that troubles my soul. Also the thought of not being able to be here and experience the joy of seeing Mallory's baby grow up and go through the normal cycles of life is something that blackens my heart. I will also miss my beautiful Anna and sweetest Jaclyn, though they havent been in my life for many years nothing has been able to tear them from my heart, i miss them everday and wish that I had been able to share some of my last years with them. Watching them grow into the wonderful strong women and loving mothers that i know they have.

I will also miss my internet friends, some wonderful ladies whom have filled my heart with joy and love. I feel that I have never been able to repay them for their love and caring. They all make me feel so inadequate as a friend, many times I have not participated in group events for fear of letting someone down.

I will miss the smiles and wet nose that Willow greets me with every morning, we have shared many a biscuit and cheese and coffee on the back steps in the mornings. She seemed to sence my impending disease as each morning she seemed to get more and more gentle with me, I do miss her jump to my knees for a cuddle each day.

At this stage all I can do is live each day as it comes, wishing to spend many more on this wonderful, awe inspiring planet we call earth. Its strange how we do not notice beauty in front of us until we are threatened with its removal.
I will fight to the end, i will not go peacefully into the night (god, i love that movie) and i will spend every breathe loving my family and friends.

Cancer, the gift that keeps on giving

Wow, I've had such a tiring time, thousands of doctor appointments, tests, blood letting, you name it but in the end the results all came back the same. After 33 months of good health i once more have cancer. I have cancer in cells in the lymph node in my shoulder, pressing on my brchial plexus and causing me massive pain. I also have cancer cells in 7 of my other lymph nodes, cancer on my chest wall and some small growths in my liver. I have been put back on chemo (Zeloda), as well as on loads and loads of pain killers...although i have still ended up at the hospital on a morphine drip on 3 occassions.

In the exact opposite direction, I am simply over the moon, my baby Mallory and her wonderful partner Sam are expecting their first baby in April, I am so happy for them, no baby could have 2 more loving and devoted parents...(or grandparents)

Its been ages since i blogged last. I injured my shoulder, losing all feeling in my right arm and hand. That sent my team of cancer doctors into a melt down, hoping it wasnt caused by a tumor. I've had 2 months of MRI, CT scan, bone scan, ultrasounds,xrays...I'm on massive doses of morphine as the pain is horrendous (see Brachial neuritis) and i can barely exist. We are off to Japan on 1 September, so I need to get this better.

I sleep when I can so, i sleep on the sofa for a couple hours at a time when my meds are at their best.

Of course Mallory and Peter and Sam have been wonderful, looking after my every need, i thank god every day for each of them.

Having gone thru cancer, now this, i know i am ready to get on with life...bring it on

Weekends

I have missed a few days, been busy doing 'stuff'. I finished decluttering the laundry, and the sewing room. I took a picture of the sewing room, "before", then cleaned the room. I cleaned it soo good i couldn't find the camera to take the after pics. Its taken me 4 days to find the camera, and of course it was right in front of my face, on top of the shelves next to the door inside the craft room.
In the meantime, we're still working on the laundry...we lined the broom closet, and have undercoated it. Tomorrow i will put the high gloss top coat on and take some pics and post them. I am not really sure if i should move onto the ensuite, the masterbedroom or the dining room or even the sitting room next...too many decisions...i guess in fact it should be the craft room as i will need to be doing stuff to add to the other rooms...so, yes, its craft room next.

pics to follow

SAM

This is our cockatiel, SAM...yet another Freecycle rescue..but one i love. He is soooo good for the morale..he can't resist wolf whistling at me and calling me sexy....lol...
I so want a new cage for him, maybe its next after we finish the laundry renos...

FIREWOOD SEASON

It gets very cold here and our house is a very cold house. We tend to burn around 1 1/2ton of wood per week from about mid March until the end of September. Peter seems to love firewood season, is it the smell of petrol from the chainsaw or just being able to have such toys and play with them?..this is the pile of wood so far, 1st February...lots more to come.

Today was shopping, hair cut and colour...and some asthma...ohh well.

Mal came home *sigh*...so things will change again..

I must add some pics to this blog, i'll take some tomorrow, i promise.